Even in my last moments with you, I was too soon looking forward to future moments in which you would be back, illuminating my Pennsylvania sky. Once, when you first flew to my side in the clouds you feel so safe amongst, I believed time was on our side. Then in a flash we only had one night that was ours for the taking.
When will we be the masters’ of time, rather than at the hands of such a force; one that fools us into thinking “there will always be more time;” more moments to appreciate the ones we didn’t appreciate when we had our chance.
All that I know is my wandering mind lends itself to aimlessly think and obsess when I should be focused on the present moment that is all we even have.
"Find a passion and pursue it."
So it just hit me: my two biggest passions are helping others and the environment. Those two ideas are not really what just came to me, but the realization that where I am right now is where I’m supposed to be.
Often I question my decision to continue on in the mental health field. Lately I’ve been thinking more about the planet’s resources more than my own species. But right now, while in my new home for the next year, I realize that having two passions is just fine. Pursuing one does not mean I’m leaving the other behind. I’ll figure out ways to commit my life to my environmental passion just as I have for my passion for helping others.
Everything is changing, and tonight, I allowed myself to feel it all.
The news article that will explain what should be the topic of our every day conversations.
If I could scream and get others to listen, I would tear my vocal cords and wring my lungs breathless until the governments stop bending their necks to the corporations who are spearheading the destruction of our planet’s ecosystems.
But screaming doesn’t seem to help.
I’m rendered hopeless and feeling helpless with no substantial knowledge of how to help the state of our environment beyond the personal “green” lifestyle choices I make daily.
Fuck the corporate take-over and our obsession with monetary systems.
Fuck over population.
Fuck this desolate, over-consuming feeling that suffocates my spirit the more I read of our negative impacts on our beautiful planet.
I’m sorry for my negativity tonight. I’m so angry at humanity. I’m so angry at myself; at my inaction; at my inability to see a clear solution and be more proactive about my life and its impact on the movement to better our environment.
I am left overwhelmed and distraught. I must muster positivity to propel myself to be a more motivating-force instead of a pessimistic one.